“Help” is not a dirty four letter word, yet there are too many times in my life that I was loathe to ask for or give it when it was needed. As I reflect on my successes and the failures of my past, and turn now to gift to you insights into where the recovery process can improve, I share with you, dear Worthy, my message of “Both Soil And Seed.” Since the time of my last writing titled “You Are Worthy,” I have taken the time to reflect more on the person I was, the person I am now, and the person I have the potential to yet become. As I reflected, I thought of how nothing I have been able to accomplish was possible to do alone, and of how fortunate I am to have had so many people walk beside me on the path to redemption and recovery. At the same time, came to the startling realization that, if I had just once refused to ask for help when it was needed, or if someone along the path refused to offer or give it, I might never have made any of the progress I am so proud of today. Today, therefore, I write to remind everyone how each of us is absolutely essential to the recovery process of everyone around us and that, if we act as “Both Soil And Seed,” we are stronger together.
Raised in one of the distinct agricultural communities found within the Red River Valley, it might not come as a surprise to anyone that my mind would seize upon the concept of “Both Soil And Seed.” With fondness, I recall working with my Father as a young child during one of our famous “potato seasons.” In addition to all the frenetic energy and hustle reminiscent of those days, I recall my Father once taking the time to explain to me the process of grading potatoes–listening with fascination as this new information helped me complete my understanding of the industrious process that included pulling from any given load of potatoes those that would become the “seed” material for the next year’s crop. Despite having worked the fields myself, never once had I given any thought to how the crops were sown in the first place, and so the new information I was receiving set my mind alight with comprehension and understanding.
At that moment, with the gift of new information and the benefit of hindsight, I was able to see the harvest in an entirely different light, seeing for the first time both the Soil And Seed that went into bringing the crop into the fullness of its potential. realize now, with the same dawning of realization, that we are much the same–that all of us in the recovery process are both the Soil and Seed necessary for us, as a Community, to come into the fullness of our potential.
In “You Are Worthy” we learned how the sense of our true self-worth is wrapped up in our willingness to defy the narratives of our past because “none of us are only the worst things we have ever done.” We learned that, to help “clear the fog of narrative takeover” behind which our potential is hidden, we must “stop digging” when we find ourselves in the “holes” of destruction that are of our own creation and making. In “Both Soil And Seed,” by contrast, we learn that the shovel still has work to do and that the work must be done by digging deeper within ourselves to find the Seeds of Humanity that hold the promise of hope, healing, recovery and redemption for all. I recall the words of Henry David Thoreau who once opined that “for every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at the roots.” I wonder then, what work must be done for any of us to realize the fullness of our potential? How does one “ready the Soil” so that one crop might grow, be harvested, and then be replaced by another? If we are both Soil and Seed, then what must the recovery process look like if we are to come into our own potential’s fullness? How do we strike at the “roots” of our addiction and other challenges of the past, so that we may Seed the Soil anew with the hope, healing, recovery and redemption I speak of?
The answer is simple: we do it together and we remain open to the process. First, we must ask for help when it is clearly needed–putting all thoughts of shame and guilt aside, and replacing them with the courage and resolve to invite others into the field of recovery with us. If it is offered, we must be willing to accept it as the gift of love and caring that it is. We must find within ourselves the courage to accept it with grace knowing that none of us can do this alone and that we are stronger together. As much as ASKING for help when it is needed, there must be others to GIVE it–and that, too, may often involve digging deep within ourselves to give it when our hope, patience and resolve have been tested. And just as a crop is brought to the fullness of its potential, there must be a Community to work the field of recovery from one end to the other. Upon reflection, I have a new and profound appreciation for the people that took to the field with me, committed to helping me ready the Soil for something better. Allowing others to help me in this way has not always been easy, as thoughts of being unworthy have plagued me along the way. Too often I felt ashamed, guilty, or just too damn proud and/or embarrassed to ask others for help when it was needed. What this did was cut me off from those people and services that I could NOT do without. Alone and without allies, I had fenced myself off in such a way that no one could enter. It is an error of judgment we must strive NOT to repeat. To all of you on this side of recovery, therefore, I ask you to do better. “Help” is not a dirty four letter word and I implore you to ask for it when it is needed.
On the other side of the fence–to the people and services that are committed to our renewal and recovery-I ask you not to lose your faith in our potential and to endure even when we in recovery have seemingly given up on ourselves. I will say this for myself, though I don’t believe I am alone in this sentiment: I know I have tested the faith of you who have been my greatest supporters. I know it did not make things easier for anyone on either side of the recovery process when, at times, I would backslide or lose ground gained despite the help you had given me. Tested this way. I know it can be as hard to “give” help to another as it can be to “ask” for it. So for this behavior I say to you that I am sorry for the pain I have caused you, a pain I know well because we hurt together. When we cry, we cry the same cry. When we scream, we scream the same scream. We sigh the same sigh when we feel lost and defeated. Even knowing the pain you feel, I nonetheless ask you to stay the course, take to the field with us and you will be rewarded with the strength and tenacity that are passed unto everyone who has faced adversity through recovery. We are stronger together, and just as we share the pain, we WILL share the smiles and tears of triumph together. I promise you, your efforts are not wasted. hope, by now, that “Both Soil And Seed” is something more than a metaphor to you. Yes, as a metaphor we can see that we must enter the field and strike at and remove from it the roots of addiction and the other challenges faced by those in recovery. We must, together, carry from the field anything not amenable to healthy living and the recovery process itself. We know, too, that there must be something to take the place of the new spaces we have created so that a new potential may take root and grow. When we work the field together, we learn we are “Both Soil and Seed” as the “Seeds” of our potential are there standing together.
“Both Soil And Seed,” however, is MORE than a metaphor. It is a call to action that can make it real and personal to each and every one of us. Be you Soil today or Seed tomorrow, I issue these challenges to you: If you are someone who needs help, ask for it today. Take down your fences and invite others in to help you reach your potential. Ignore the self-talk that will try to cut you off from the people and services that are meant to help you grow. If you are someone in the midst of your own recovery, I challenge you to look around you. Who needs help that is NOT asking for or receiving it? You know the signs, you know the attitudes, you know their needs. If the person next to you lacks the resolve to ask for help for him or herself, be their voice and seek it out.
Encourage them. If they need the help, you yourself can offer it. Whatever you do, do not let them go without. You may be the person that changes their life, and changes your own in the process. In this way, you have as much potential to be a Seed as you have been Soil. If you are someone that is a Father, Mother, Sibling, Friend, or anyone else that has someone you care about in recovery, I ask you into the field with us. Be the Seeds that will sow hope and healing for all of us. If you must cry, do it amongst us where your tears can help something altogether better grow. If you must scream, scream “You Are Worthy!” so that we won’t forget. And when you sigh at the end a hard day’s work, may it be that of the Soul knowing it has become action.
Finally, to all you Change Agents out there–those who create and facilitate the recovery services made available to us–I say you are our Heroes. On behalf of each and every one of us served by you, I thank you with all of our hearts. Namaste.
Both Soil And Seed by MGG
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